"Banned from Argo" An example of a filk song
(there are a few variations in different versions)
by Leslie Fish
When we pulled into Argo in search of R & R
Our crew set out investigating every joint and bar
We had high expectations of their hospitality
But found too late it wasn't geared for spacers such as we
CHORUS:
And we're...banned from Argo, every one
Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun
We spent a jolly shore leave there for just 3 days or 4
But Argo doesn't want us anymore
Our captain's tastes were simple but his methods were complex
He found him with five partners, each of a different world and sex
The shore police were on the way, we had no second chance
We beamed him up in the nick of time in the remnants of his pants
CHORUS
Our engineer would yield to none in putting down the brew
He outdrank 7 space marines and a demolition crew
The navigator didn't win but he outdrank almost all
And now they've got a shuttlecraft on the roof of city hall
CHORUS
Our proper, cool first officer was drugged with something green
And hauled into an alley where he suffered things obscene
He sobered up in sickbay and he's none the worse for wear
Except he somehow taught the bridge computer how to swear
CHORUS
The head nurse disappeared a while in the major [dope] bazaar
Buying an odd green liquid guaranteed to cause Pon-farr.
She came home with no uniform, and an oddly cheerful heart
And a painful way of walking with her feet a yard apart
CHORUS
Our lady of communications won a ship-wide bet
By getting into the planet's main communications net
Now, every time someone calls upon an Argo telescreen
The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen
(Yaah!)
CHORUS
Our doctor loves humanity, his private life is quiet
The shore police arrested him for inciting whores to riot.
They found him in the city jail, locked on and beamed him free
Intact except for hickies, and 6 kinds of V.D.
CHORUS
(Gee, I wonder why?)
Our helmsman loves exotic plants, and the plants all love him too
He took some down on leave with him, and we wondered what they'd do
Till the planetary governor called and swore upon his life
That a gang of plants entwined his house, and then seduced his wife
CHORUS
A gang of pirates landed and nobody seemed to care
They stomped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there
(We're here!)
Half our crew was busy there and invited them to play
The pirates only looked at us, and turned and ran away
CHORUS
Our crew is Starfleet's finest, and our record is our pride
And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide
We're sorry 'bout the wreckage and the riots and the fuss
At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us
CHORUS
(I wonder why?)
(Did we do something wrong?)
