Who'd pawn their own mothers to grab it themselves
Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop,
This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
The power almighty rests in this lone ring.
The power, alrighty, for doing your own thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade.
If found , send to Sorhed ( the postage is prepaid)
'Goodbye, Dildo,' Frito said, stifling a sob. 'I wish you were comingwith us.'
'Ah, yes. But I'm too old for that sort of thing now,' said the old boggie, feigning a state of total quadriplegia. 'Anyway, I have a few
small gifts for you,' and he produced a lumpy parcel, which Frito opened somewhat unenthusiastically in view of Dildo's previous
going-away present [the ring]. But the package only contained a short, Revereware sword, a bulletproof vest full of moth holes, and several well-thumbed novellas with titles like Elf Lust and Goblin Girl..."
"Touch me!, Oh touch me!!!"
Frito's hand reached out and traced the delicate swelling of her elf-breast while the other slowly crept around her tiny flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest.
(From the intro, describing a scene that doesn't exist.)
"'Then we must head east,' said Goodgulf gesturing with his wand to where the sun was setting redly in a mass of sea-clouds."
All from Bored of the Rings